The Desire for Pleasure and the Pleasure Itself
.
One of Arthur Schopenhauer's most famous phrases is: "life swings back and forth like a pendulum between pain and boredom." And we do. Humans are desiring beings who strive to obtain things from the world. Behind this striving is a lack of something. But once that desire is achieved it rarely makes you fully happy, because of every satisfied desire there are number of others, waiting to take its turn.
It's almost like the desire for pleasure and the pleasure itself are opposite. There are things we desire that must be achieved to survive, like food and water. But once we are lucky to have that, we become bored and we begin to desire for extra things like luxury, nicotine, drugs, fashion things.
Most of us desire to be in a healthy, in a long-lasting relationship and have a fulfilling sexual life. But desiring is one thing and actualizing it is a whole other apple. Sure there might be love and commitment. But, this isn’t enough to fulfill the desire of being in a relationship. Relationships needs hard work, but it is worth it at the end of the day.
Desire feeds the physical intimacy needed to nurture connection. If desire fades in an intimate relationship, the couple become more of housemates or colleagues. Yes, love can still be present, and they might even have sex. However, when there is no desire, how a person sees and feels themselves changes, and that will certainly reflect on the relationship.
So desire is the protective guard around relationships. But then it doesn’t stop there. You can desire yourself and your partner. However, you need more than just desire to sustain a relationship. Fulfilling a relationship requires both individuals to contribute actively to one another’s happiness without expecting anything.
You must invest time and energy into the relationship even as you invest in your self-growth and development. This way, you will achieve self-fulfillment and a fulfilling relationship. Investing in a relationship, even as you invest in your personal development, brings satisfaction and fascination. Your relationship will become better with time, and you will live a fulfilled life.
Friendships: Quality over Quantity
Feelings of happiness are easy. Happiness is not. Flirting is easy. Love is not. Saying you’re friends is easy. Being friends is not. - David Levithan.
There are life lessons our parents teach us, life lessons we learn on our own and life lessons that only our friends can teach us. Friends are essential in our lives and while many friends have exparations dates,very few remain with us until the end of our days.
As children we don’t really choose friends. It's very quiet simple at the young age. Those who smile and play with us automatically built a friendship with us. The one that hangs around the most automatically becomes the best friend.
In adulthood the dynamic of friendship shifts because, as we mature we develop our own unique personality, needs, wants, and therefore just a smile is no longer enough.
The environment we are in, be it school or work, narrows down the list of friends you can choose from by default, just by virtue of the fact that you are in that environment.
Quality over Quantity
There are people who find value in having a lot of friends. The fact that they can confidently invite over twenty friends and post the gathering on social media allows them to fill their mind bubble with desired popularity. It allows them to feel heard, wanted and liked, factors that are most likely missing in reality. The truth is, not everyone can garner that many friends, unless you start giving out "ice-cream" in the forms of a job, free amenities, giveaways, etc.
And then there is another kind of people who find value in having as little friends as they possibly can. These folks guard their friendship circle so strongly because it is built on trust, love, respect and loyalty. Majority of the time, such friendships can even comprise of as little as two people. It is quite rare for this kind of friendship circle to get past five individuals. Having a whole bunch of fiends to hang out and party might look "great" from the outside, but having a few strong individuals in your inner circle who you can always count on is the real deal.
How to Turn Awkwardness into Attraction
.
It’s fascinating how quickly a situation can turn awkward. Whether you are on a date or hanging out with friends, getting stuck in an awkward position isn’t an enjoyable experience. However, the good news is that you can turn awkwardness into attraction with the following tips.
1. Laugh or Smile It Off
It can get pretty awkward when somebody is teasing or making fun of you. By laughing or smiling it off, you neutralize the environment. Also, people look much better when they smile, and this can make you more attractive. As amazing as being cheerful is, don't fake a smile.
2. Never Make the Mistake of Portraying a Defeated Body Language
Slouching, and fidgeting are examples of defeated body language. These make the situation more awkward. No matter what happens, always retain open body language. When you keep your chest, torso, and abdomen open, this boosts your attractiveness, and it can immediately put a stop to an awkward situation.
3. Call Out the Awkwardness
Such situations are often characterized by periods of silence where both parties are afraid of admitting how awkward things are. When you step up and acknowledge that this situation is uncomfortable. In the minds of the other person(s), they will adore how bold you are. By admitting that a particular situation is awkward, both parties can take the necessary recovery steps.
4. Avoid Making Negative Assumptions about Ambiguous Comments
If a person’s comments are unclear, don’t rush into making a negative assumption. These can easily make a situation awkward. Some of us read a little bit too much into a person’s comments. Always ask for clarification.
5. Lesson in Life - Nobody Cares
Your insecurities can quickly drive you into an awkward position. You have to understand that no one cares about some of the things you are worried about. When you embrace this lesson, you will be confident, and this, in turn, makes you very attractive.
Awkwardness and attraction will never exist simultaneously in the same room. You have to choose one, and the above tips can help you with that. Learn to radiate positive energy, and you will never feel awkward about any situation.
How to Forget Your Ex
When a relationship ends, it can be devastating. In fact it is often compared to coping with the death of a loved on. You may be wondering where you went wrong, or blame the other person. All by yourself you may start wondering if you can go on without your former partner. Fortunately, you can get through this difficult time and have a brighter future ahead. Here is how.
Grieving Is Natural
When you and your ex part ways, grieving is natural and normal. If you truly cared about this person, you will feel a sense of loss. Your life will feel empty when he or she is no longer around.
If not hanndled properly grieving can become dangerous. Denial Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, the five stages of grief. If you do not reach a stage where you accept the relationship is over, you can fall into a deep depression. The good news is loss of a relationship does not mean your life is over. There are steps you can take to avoid depression, and enjoy a happy life.
How To Forget Your Ex
The end of a relationship is the time to focus on yourself! When you are single, it is an excellent opportunity to explore, experiment, and have fun!
Today, you have time for hobbies. Perhaps there was an activity you enjoyed in the past, but set it aside when your partner came into your life. Perhaps you never took up a hobby at all. Whether you want to start up an old interest again or try something new, there are plenty of resources to come up with ideas. There may be classes at your local gym or community center, information online, or people in your life who can help you find something you will enjoy. Crafts, cooking, music, art, adult courses, and exercise classes are only a few examples.
Think of the end of your relationship as the beginning of your new life, your future ahead is full of possibilites and can be exciting and worthwhile!
How To Make Love Passionately
.
What does it mean to make love?
Making love is the act of expressing your feelings of love through sex. Making love often involves emotions, romance, and intimacy. Please ensure that you and your partner are comfortable with the method you chose to make love. If it is your first time, you may be wondering how to make love. This guide will help you make love passionately.
Beginner steps to making love
• Please make sure that you are emotionally connected and that your partner wants to make love. You can strengthen your emotional connection through words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, gifting, and spending quality time together and.
• Prepare your partner mentally. Communicate with your partner about the date, location and set the mood for sex. Keep actively communicating suggestively with your partner to avoid creating anxiety that comes with silence.
• Have sufficient foreplay with your partner through passionate kissing and caressing their erogenous zones until they are ready for the act of sex.
• Agree with your partner to make love in a way you two are comfortable. Sex may happen in different ways, such as vaginal sex, oral sex, anal sex, hand-to-genital contact, and partner masturbation. Be active and responsive during the whole session and let your partner know when to try something else. Tell your partner what feels good and what is not working for you.
• After making love, make your partner feel comfortable; smile, flirt, laugh, and cuddle your partner.
What to do
- Use a condom and dispose it safely. If it bursts, take contraceptives and seek medical advice.
- Please pay attention to your partner and respond to their needs Don’t be selfish. Be real and respectful.
- Say no if you have changed your mind or get uncomfortable when making love
- Play slow and sensual music to set the mood. A glass of wine can help
What NOT to do
- Don’t assume your partner is safe.
- Don’t fake the love, emotions, or orgasm
- Do not force things
- Don’t make love when too drunk; it may impair your judgment. For example, you may end up forgetting to put on the condom.
Love In The Time of Corona
Today, the whole world has been thrust in the arms of a wide range of challenges. Basically, everything that people do has changed dramatically. As everyone gets older, the foundation of their lives has been affected, including how people are choosing to stay connected during corona. From talking to loved ones on their mobile phones to communicating with family and friends via text messaging, the technological advancements available during these periods of lockdowns have been very beneficial.
Though there is nothing like direct human communication live, some people are still looking for creative ways to meet new people. This is especially true for people who are searching for a mate that they will not only date but can make a life commitment like marriage. That being said, here are some safe ways that people can find new potential friends to spend time with.
Each one reach one - Old Fashioned Virtual Meetings
If you want to be safe while meeting new people, there are many ways to meet new people and stay connected. For instance, if you really want to meet other people out of your present circle, join a group that requires invitation only. Simply stated, ask a friend or family member to introduce you to a virtual group with people who have a common interest. Just like you may be invited to a physical social gathering, you can be invited to virtual gatherings that you can attend, too.
Be the host of a Group and Invite Friends that know other Singles During Quarantines
Again, if you want to meet people in a safe manner, you can be the host. In this way, you can always control who attends, while also meeting people that your friends and family are already close to or acqainted to.
Agree to Virtual Meetings and share common interest that you like
If hosting your own group is successful, you can always keep in touch with these new acquaintances. For instance, you may want to keep in touch by skype and other means of communications before and after corona.
Meet in Your Local Restaurants that's Open for Eat-in **
Even though some places are not allowing people to eat inside of their establishments, others are making the necessary arrangements by complying with the latest corona regulations. So, if you really want to meet with new acquaintances, you may want to consider the places that will allow you to eat-in.
Today, with all of the mandates and quarantines that people are experiencing all over the United States and abroad, meeting others is a challenge within itself. Also, because most people are considered to be social beings, the need to connect with one another is not a luxury but necessity. Therefore, if you really want to make sure that you can overcome these disruptions in your social life, you need to make safe plans with people that you already know.
Lovers And Wives. Mistakes And Expectations
.
It is not always easy to make marriages last especially when one of the partners finds love on the side. Mistakes like infidelity can make any stable marriage end.
Percentage of infidelity betweeen men and women is almost equal acccording to psychologist Mark Barton. Men end up falling in love with someone else other than their spouse, either occasionally or constantly. It's in their nature to reproduce. Some are able to control it, some are not. And plenty depends on the women, their wife. Let's talk about what causes men seek for a lover.
Learning of your husband's infidetliy can be emotional for women. It creates agression, you start playing the quilty card, remind him of your children. The instruments that you are using to make him stop, are nothing. Hysteria that you present in front of him only proves to him that you need him. You know what goes through his mind while you are dramatizing over there? He thinks that he can continue having a lover and come back to you whenever it doesn't work out with his lover, because you are so emotionlly depended on him.
You ask what do I do then? How should I behave?
Psychologist Mark Bartonn advises not to show any emotion. Distance yourselef from him. It's hard, but one must do it. Go to another room, break chairs, rip papers, bite your nails, do something, but don't approach him, don't show emotion. The distance you show leaves him with gazillion thoughts in his mind. Why is she not being hysterical? Why is she not manipulating me with kids? Why is she not begging me to stay? And finally the most important queestion that goes through his mind is, why is she not fighting over me?
Advice for lovers:
When a men is trully, deeply in love, he makes decisions fast, and nothing, absolutely nothing can stop him. Not his children, not his wife. Conversations about I need to think about it, I neeed to analyze if I am ready to be with my wife or you? If he takes a pause to think about it, be absolutely certain, without a doubt he made the decision and it is not in your favor.
If you let that pause last long, you're making a huge mistake. The best advice if you want to win this war, let him go, try to forget him, tell him to do what he needs, tell him to not bother you.
Advice for wives:
When your husband tells you that he wants to leave, don't turn to drama. If you become emtional and hysterical, you might as well say goodbye. But if you ignore and allow him to leave without begging, crying, screaming, bringing children into it, he will leave, BUT he will be stuck with thoughts about his behavior and the decision he made. He'll stard doubting. Just imagine, you're telling him to go and he doesn't leave. That right there says that he loves you, but something went wrong in the relationship, you lost the connection you once had. What is the reason? Perhaps a specialist need to be involved. Without a specialist you can't survive it.
The reaction of man when his wife finds out about the lover is unpredictable, but the reaction of a women is very predictible. So if you show less emotion, he will be confused. And when he leaves, trust me the lover's defeat has already began.
For men:
To find our about your husband's infidetliy can be emotional for women. It creates agression, you try to make him feel quilty, remind him of your children. The instruments that you are using to make him stop, are nothing. Hysteria that you present in front of him only proves to him that you need him. You know what he thinks at that time? He thinks that he can continue having a lover and come back to you if it doesn't work out with his lover, because you are so depended emotionly in him.
You ask what do I do then? What should my behavior be like?
Psychologist Mark Bartonn advises not to show any emotion. Distance yourselef from him. It's hard, but do it. Go to another room, break chairs, rip papers, bite your nails, do something, but don't approach him, don't show emotion. The distance you show leaves him with gazillion thoughts in his mind. Why is shee\ not being hysterical? Why is she not manipulating me with kids? Why is she not begging me to stay? And finally the most important queestion that goes through his midn is, why is she not fighting over me?
Advice for lovers: When a men is trully, deeply in love, he makes decisions fast. Conversations about I need to think about it , I neeed to analyze if I am ready to be with my wife or you? If he takes a pause to think about it, be sure without a doubt he made the decision and it is not in your favor.
If you let that pause last long, you're making a huge mistake. The best advice if you want to win this war, let him go, try to forget him, tell him to do what he needs, tell him to not bother you.
Advice for wives:
When your husband tells you that he wants to leave, don't turn to drama. If you become emtional and hysterical, you might as well say goodbye. But if you ignore and allow him to leave without begging, crying, screaming, bringing children into it, he will leave, BUT he will be stuck with thoughts about his behavior and the decision he made. He'll stard doubting. Just imagine, you're telling him to go and he doesn't leave. That right there says that he loves you, but something went wrong in the relationship, you lost the connection you once had. What is the reason? Maybe you need a specialist. Without a specialist you can't survive it.
You also must know know the reaction of man when his wife finds out about the lover is unpredictable, but the reaction of a women is very predictible. So if you show less emotion, he will be confused. And when he leaves, trust me the lover's defeat has already began.
For men:
If you are thinking of someone else but are married, it is essential to consider why you might be thinking about the person. Romantic infatuation or a crush might happen with anybody you spend a lot of time with and who has anxiety-producing or interestingly attractive qualities. Smart and self-aware men with wives and lovers should handle the feelings with wisdom and maturity. When you develop a crush, you need to be self-aware about what has happened. Redirect your energy back to your marriage as fast as possible. It can be positive to develop an infatuation, especially if you are self-aware to realize the feelings you have for another person might be informing you about what you are missing in your current relationship. Handling a crush well is essential. Most individuals do not start affairs. Many affairs begin with having a crush or fluttery feelings for someone besides your spouse. When you have a crush bloom, handle yourself well to protect yourself, your integrity, and your marriage if of course, you have the desire to.
For married couples:
As a married couple learn to take responsibility, acknowledge your errors, communicate and ask forgiveness. Marriage is hard work, it requires effort. Finally make your relationship a priority. Think and act in loving ways. Enhance and nurture your love to bring personal happiness and find ways to bring meaning in your loves.
The Importance Of The Emotional Connection In The Relationship
.
How important is it to have a genuine emotional connection to someone else in order to develop a relationship?
Let's start by defining what emotional connection is. Emotional connection is sharing a common unspoken language with your significant other. It's staying attuned to their needs and problems and following up when you know they need it.
In reality, it is virtually impossible to have a relationship of any kind without an emotional connection that makes you feel like you have something in common with that person. It doesn't matter if you're talking about a romantic relationship or something that is completely platonic. Without an emotional connection that brings the two of you together, it is virtually impossible to have any type of meaningful relationship whatsoever.
Imagine having a relationship that doesn't involve any type of emotional connection. It might seem like the relationship is going along just fine for a time, but the reality of the situation is that it is impossible to have any type of quality relationship without that connection. When it doesn't exist, the relationship in question becomes one that is only superficial in nature. It is essentially impossible for anything more meaningful to develop because there is nothing from which to base that relationship on. These types of relationships might seem like fun for a while, but they have a tendency to fizzle out very quickly. After all, it's exceedingly difficult to develop any type of meaningful relationship when the only thing that two people have in common is a shallow, essentially meaningless basis. It just doesn't work.
On the other hand, a relationship that genuinely focuses on an emotional connection allows for the types of experiences necessary for that relationship to grow. When two people share an emotional connection, there are virtually no limits to the quality of relationship that they can enjoy. Perhaps the biggest challenge is for people to let go of all of the thoughts that constantly hold them back and simply allow themselves to feel the emotion that is so necessary, so critical, with their hearts and then act on them. At the end of the day, it is this connection that we have with other people that matters more than anything else and it is what will get us through both the good times and the bad.
Why can a woman stop desiring her partner?
Psychologist Mark Barton shares that in practice, he increasingly became a witness of how female psychogenic frigidity manifests itself. That is, a dull desire or a complete lack of desire to enter into intimacy with her partner. What is it? Fatigue, heavy workload, or something deeper? Let's figure it out. For a man, sex begins during sex; for a woman, sex begins a little earlier. When she anticipates his arrival she is already mentally preparing to enter into intimacy with him.
Most often, psychogenic frigidity is caused and appears in a woman's life because she is in unfavorable conditions. There are situations when you are in a relationship with a man and do not want to go to bed with him, but at the same time you may be sexually interested in other men. This is one of the factors that indicate that psychogenic frigidity appears in your life.
These factors also include:
- Emphasizing the partner's sexual defects.
- Problems of emotional closeness in the family.
- Interruption of intercourse.