Lovers And Wives. Mistakes And Expectations
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It is not always easy to make marriages last especially when one of the partners finds love on the side. Mistakes like infidelity can make any stable marriage end.
Percentage of infidelity betweeen men and women is almost equal acccording to psychologist Mark Barton. Men end up falling in love with someone else other than their spouse, either occasionally or constantly. It's in their nature to reproduce. Some are able to control it, some are not. And plenty depends on the women, their wife. Let's talk about what causes men seek for a lover.
Learning of your husband's infidetliy can be emotional for women. It creates agression, you start playing the quilty card, remind him of your children. The instruments that you are using to make him stop, are nothing. Hysteria that you present in front of him only proves to him that you need him. You know what goes through his mind while you are dramatizing over there? He thinks that he can continue having a lover and come back to you whenever it doesn't work out with his lover, because you are so emotionlly depended on him.
You ask what do I do then? How should I behave?
Psychologist Mark Bartonn advises not to show any emotion. Distance yourselef from him. It's hard, but one must do it. Go to another room, break chairs, rip papers, bite your nails, do something, but don't approach him, don't show emotion. The distance you show leaves him with gazillion thoughts in his mind. Why is she not being hysterical? Why is she not manipulating me with kids? Why is she not begging me to stay? And finally the most important queestion that goes through his mind is, why is she not fighting over me?
Advice for lovers:
When a men is trully, deeply in love, he makes decisions fast, and nothing, absolutely nothing can stop him. Not his children, not his wife. Conversations about I need to think about it, I neeed to analyze if I am ready to be with my wife or you? If he takes a pause to think about it, be absolutely certain, without a doubt he made the decision and it is not in your favor.
If you let that pause last long, you're making a huge mistake. The best advice if you want to win this war, let him go, try to forget him, tell him to do what he needs, tell him to not bother you.
Advice for wives:
When your husband tells you that he wants to leave, don't turn to drama. If you become emtional and hysterical, you might as well say goodbye. But if you ignore and allow him to leave without begging, crying, screaming, bringing children into it, he will leave, BUT he will be stuck with thoughts about his behavior and the decision he made. He'll stard doubting. Just imagine, you're telling him to go and he doesn't leave. That right there says that he loves you, but something went wrong in the relationship, you lost the connection you once had. What is the reason? Perhaps a specialist need to be involved. Without a specialist you can't survive it.
The reaction of man when his wife finds out about the lover is unpredictable, but the reaction of a women is very predictible. So if you show less emotion, he will be confused. And when he leaves, trust me the lover's defeat has already began.
For men:
To find our about your husband's infidetliy can be emotional for women. It creates agression, you try to make him feel quilty, remind him of your children. The instruments that you are using to make him stop, are nothing. Hysteria that you present in front of him only proves to him that you need him. You know what he thinks at that time? He thinks that he can continue having a lover and come back to you if it doesn't work out with his lover, because you are so depended emotionly in him.
You ask what do I do then? What should my behavior be like?
Psychologist Mark Bartonn advises not to show any emotion. Distance yourselef from him. It's hard, but do it. Go to another room, break chairs, rip papers, bite your nails, do something, but don't approach him, don't show emotion. The distance you show leaves him with gazillion thoughts in his mind. Why is shee\ not being hysterical? Why is she not manipulating me with kids? Why is she not begging me to stay? And finally the most important queestion that goes through his midn is, why is she not fighting over me?
Advice for lovers: When a men is trully, deeply in love, he makes decisions fast. Conversations about I need to think about it , I neeed to analyze if I am ready to be with my wife or you? If he takes a pause to think about it, be sure without a doubt he made the decision and it is not in your favor.
If you let that pause last long, you're making a huge mistake. The best advice if you want to win this war, let him go, try to forget him, tell him to do what he needs, tell him to not bother you.
Advice for wives:
When your husband tells you that he wants to leave, don't turn to drama. If you become emtional and hysterical, you might as well say goodbye. But if you ignore and allow him to leave without begging, crying, screaming, bringing children into it, he will leave, BUT he will be stuck with thoughts about his behavior and the decision he made. He'll stard doubting. Just imagine, you're telling him to go and he doesn't leave. That right there says that he loves you, but something went wrong in the relationship, you lost the connection you once had. What is the reason? Maybe you need a specialist. Without a specialist you can't survive it.
You also must know know the reaction of man when his wife finds out about the lover is unpredictable, but the reaction of a women is very predictible. So if you show less emotion, he will be confused. And when he leaves, trust me the lover's defeat has already began.
For men:
If you are thinking of someone else but are married, it is essential to consider why you might be thinking about the person. Romantic infatuation or a crush might happen with anybody you spend a lot of time with and who has anxiety-producing or interestingly attractive qualities. Smart and self-aware men with wives and lovers should handle the feelings with wisdom and maturity. When you develop a crush, you need to be self-aware about what has happened. Redirect your energy back to your marriage as fast as possible. It can be positive to develop an infatuation, especially if you are self-aware to realize the feelings you have for another person might be informing you about what you are missing in your current relationship. Handling a crush well is essential. Most individuals do not start affairs. Many affairs begin with having a crush or fluttery feelings for someone besides your spouse. When you have a crush bloom, handle yourself well to protect yourself, your integrity, and your marriage if of course, you have the desire to.
For married couples:
As a married couple learn to take responsibility, acknowledge your errors, communicate and ask forgiveness. Marriage is hard work, it requires effort. Finally make your relationship a priority. Think and act in loving ways. Enhance and nurture your love to bring personal happiness and find ways to bring meaning in your loves.
The Importance Of The Emotional Connection In The Relationship
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How important is it to have a genuine emotional connection to someone else in order to develop a relationship?
Let's start by defining what emotional connection is. Emotional connection is sharing a common unspoken language with your significant other. It's staying attuned to their needs and problems and following up when you know they need it.
In reality, it is virtually impossible to have a relationship of any kind without an emotional connection that makes you feel like you have something in common with that person. It doesn't matter if you're talking about a romantic relationship or something that is completely platonic. Without an emotional connection that brings the two of you together, it is virtually impossible to have any type of meaningful relationship whatsoever.
Imagine having a relationship that doesn't involve any type of emotional connection. It might seem like the relationship is going along just fine for a time, but the reality of the situation is that it is impossible to have any type of quality relationship without that connection. When it doesn't exist, the relationship in question becomes one that is only superficial in nature. It is essentially impossible for anything more meaningful to develop because there is nothing from which to base that relationship on. These types of relationships might seem like fun for a while, but they have a tendency to fizzle out very quickly. After all, it's exceedingly difficult to develop any type of meaningful relationship when the only thing that two people have in common is a shallow, essentially meaningless basis. It just doesn't work.
On the other hand, a relationship that genuinely focuses on an emotional connection allows for the types of experiences necessary for that relationship to grow. When two people share an emotional connection, there are virtually no limits to the quality of relationship that they can enjoy. Perhaps the biggest challenge is for people to let go of all of the thoughts that constantly hold them back and simply allow themselves to feel the emotion that is so necessary, so critical, with their hearts and then act on them. At the end of the day, it is this connection that we have with other people that matters more than anything else and it is what will get us through both the good times and the bad.
Why can a woman stop desiring her partner?
Psychologist Mark Barton shares that in practice, he increasingly became a witness of how female psychogenic frigidity manifests itself. That is, a dull desire or a complete lack of desire to enter into intimacy with her partner. What is it? Fatigue, heavy workload, or something deeper? Let's figure it out. For a man, sex begins during sex; for a woman, sex begins a little earlier. When she anticipates his arrival she is already mentally preparing to enter into intimacy with him.
Most often, psychogenic frigidity is caused and appears in a woman's life because she is in unfavorable conditions. There are situations when you are in a relationship with a man and do not want to go to bed with him, but at the same time you may be sexually interested in other men. This is one of the factors that indicate that psychogenic frigidity appears in your life.
These factors also include:
- Emphasizing the partner's sexual defects.
- Problems of emotional closeness in the family.
- Interruption of intercourse.
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